“Refuse to fall down.
If you cannot refuse to fall down,
refuse to stay down.
If you cannot refuse to stay down
lift your heart toward heaven
and like a hungry beggar,
ask that it be filled,
and it will be filled.
You may be pushed down.
You may be kept from rising.
But no one can keep you
from lifting your heart
toward heaven —
It is in the midst of misery
that so much becomes clear.
The one who says nothing good
came of this,
is not yet listening.”
~Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes
“I’m standing in a meadow. Grass all around. In front of me on a distance a long long wooden fence and a Deep Knowing within that when I will pass that fence there won’t be a returning back for ever more.”
I am 9 having extreme high fever and did not pass.
I had a Drink of the Ancient Mead but nothing did I know about Mead and the Well of Origin.
In November 1983 this Window of Knowing will open once again. It is like the Pause between two Breaths, like the Pause between two Heart Beats, this split second out of time and space in which a Clear Deep Knowing can come through and it came through, to me, once again that evening while joining a lecture about Carl Gustav Jung, the Swiss psychologist whose multidimensional approach, whose Bridging Science and Sacred deeply resonated in me. It is on that evening of recognition, of feeling acknowledged for the firtst time in my life, that I all at the sudden Know that everything that has happened in my life up until that moment makes sense, that it simply makes sense. No more, no less.
Again, I had a Drink of the Ancient Mead but still I did not know anything about Mead and the Well of Origin.
A few years later I am entering what would turn out to be the Darkest Time of my life.
In that Dark Season 4 Faeries come to me handing down to me, each, a Holy (Healing) Spell. They Teach me how to Speak these Spells and if I will do it the right way I will be able to Heal myself, they say.
1. “God and Devil are the same as Good and Evil. The difference is only one letter.”
This simple Saying opened my Ears for Language. When reading books words would spontaneously open and close again showing me a new world that, in its Essence, was an old and ancient one. And so I learn that Female Words are not only the opposite of Male Words but that they include Male Words and doing so can be seen as Symbols of Wholeness, of Oneness, as is the Circle.
Words have never been the same again. They are transmuted into Symbols, into Hieroglyphs, Gateways into another Realm.
The first Word showing Herself to me that way was “She” “S-He”
2. “Ask yourself why you feel what you feel.”
“If you want to break up any relationship you’re in, and know that you have the right to do so, just realise that you will bring yourself with you, always. A new relationship may look bright and shiny but one day you will meet yourself again and come to that place of walking away again or asking yourself: why do I feel what I feel.”
3. “Your Body Remembers”
Being on my way to my Psychology Lessons as part of my Holistic Healing Study. Sitting in the train, feeling sick, having irregular heartbeat, panick, full of fear.
Surprise. It went so well and here it is again.
Teacher: “did this happen before?”
Teacher: “Was it also on the way to your Lessons here?”
Teacher: “Your Body remembers. Your Body remembers and reacts the way it did the very first time.
As long as what is beyond these feelings is not completely worked through your body will remember and react, any time you will get in a situation similar to the original one, as being in that original one.”
And so I began to Drink from the Cup of Memory, from the Cauldron filled with Precious Mead, that Blend of Spirit, Memory and Poetry that would lead me through the Underworld, through the Labyrinth of Love to finally find myself in the Center of what turned out to be a Lemniscate.
4. “Bond And Bondage”
“When you’re standing in one Circle with someone else, only one of the two of you can stand in the Center. The other always has to turn with the centered one, as a Satellite, without any Will.
When you’re standing in an 8 with someone else, the two of you will each stand in the Center of your own Circle, still being connected through the Golden Thread forming the 8, the Lemniscate.
This makes the difference between Bond and Bondage.”
And so I started Dancing my Dance, started Singing my Song of Creation, gaining more and more Understanding of the Ancient Mead and the Well of Origin.